If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
