I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
