No awkward lesbian experiences without me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
