And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
