Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
