if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't turn off my feet"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
