1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
