I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
