Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
