halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
