really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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