Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
