All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
