Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
