But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
