Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
