dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
