True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's official drugs can't kill me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
