I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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