Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize