We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
