Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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