I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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