i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I pour the whiskey from now on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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