A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
