Porn is love you can see.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
