I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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