its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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