Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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