If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
