Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
