I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
