My pussy is not your playground.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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