In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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