i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
