just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize