It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My dick has a subreddit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
