Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
