so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Four minutes until I can fart!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize