tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
