doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
