OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
where am i from again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
