and you said cock pushups were impossible
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
