I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
