Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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