chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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