Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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