Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
