no, he came in my armpit
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
