The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
