apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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