right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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