Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I deserve this hangover.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
