i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
