Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
