TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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