I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize