I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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