Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
