If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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