Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
