I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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